Friday, April 12, 2013

Shaken Baby Syndrome

I read an article today about a 7 month old baby boy who passed away this week from injuries consistent with Shaken Baby Syndrome. Investigations are underway, but initially everything points to the unlicensed daycare provider. Out of respect for copyright - I did not include his picture, but he's one cute kiddo!

Before becoming a mom, an article like this would have touched my heart and made me sad for a few moments. That sounds terrible but now, being a mom, this article has stopped me in my tracks, my chest literally hurts, and tears coming streaming from my eyes. This is heart-breaking.

I cannot imagine what Leyton's parents are going through and honestly, I don't want to imagine it. Leaving your heathly, happy baby boy with someone you should be able to trust so you can go to work is hard enough. But then having this happen, getting that phone call telling you to go to the hospital. I don't know what that day looked like for his parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles - did they get to interact with Leyton, tell him they loved him, hold and cuddle him. And then, being told your baby is brain dead and having to make the choice to take him off life support. It would kill me.

I recently had to live through taking a loved one off life-support. I haven't shared it here, I've started a post, but haven't finished it. The pertinent information here, is that my Boo slipped and hit his head which ultimately resulted in him being brain-dead. My Nana did the hardest thing in the world (and the right thing) to choose to take him off life support. I was there. My family was there. My Nana, aunt, mom, sister, and I never left his side. We sang to him, talked to him, and loved him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Once we took him off life-support, it took 2 hours for him to pass. The hardest 2 hours ever. We were assured that he felt nothing and there was no pain, but it didn't sound that way. It sounded like every breath was hard. In reading this article, I have the comfort knowing that Boo lived a full, happy life.

According to the article, Leyton survived for a week without machines before passing.

A week! A week of the unimaginable. A week knowing that your babies current breath could be his last. A week thinking of all the moments you'll never get and all the moments that you didn't hold dear enough. He didn't get that full life that Boo did, but I hope and imagine that it was a happy life. From the pictures included in the article, he sure looks happy.

I don't know his family, but I want to wrap my arms around you and love you. So consider this a virtual hug. I know that no words will comfort you and any words will just sound trivial. So, I am crying with you and for you. I'm praying for you. The next few minutes, hours, days, months, and years will be hard - lean on those who love you and take life moment by moment. Even if it is just to remember to breath in, then tell yourself to breath out. 

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